I was just looking at the entertainment news & Matthew
McC was talking about his wife's 60 hour birth resulting in a cesarean. I
dont always find celeb life that fascinating, but it is nice to balance when we hear about all of the "too posh to push" ladies in the limelight. He actually shared his experience of how the journey of birth was a strength builder for he and his partner. It was short an to the point, but the fact that he valued the journey is what I admire. It was put so well, I'd consider sharing it with my childbirth classes.
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=9187810&ch=4226715&src=newsObviously, I have birth on the brain.
Having supported lots of families giving birth, the hardest part is recognizing when things don't go as planned, that it is not a failure of the woman or her body or her will.
Care provider is a critical choice, location as well. How prepared a woman & her partner are for discussing choices and the timing of those choices. If one has a care provider they can trust & talk with, that makes a huge difference. When the care provider says I do it this way, and the parents say, well my doc does it this way... that is way different from a provider who will discuss why, how often, and be willing to be patient with the process as long as no one is in danger. By danger I mean a clear indication that something isn't right.... not a race against the clock.
If you went to a
restaurant and said I need my steak well done, or my vegetables without butter, and the chef said, well I only serve my vegetables with butter and only serve steak rare would you keep going to that
restaurant?
It is your life your baby your experience. Have it your way. There are care providers out there who will do it your way.
Birth is a rare occasion for families, and not vindictively, it is another day in labor & delivery for the folks who work there everyday. If you know what you want, and you talk about it before you are in the throws of it, you are much more likely to gain the experience you desire.
I say gain the experience you desire because it is a journey, and the journey isn't always an
unmedicated vaginal birth resulting in cupcakes and lollipops and easy breastfeeding. It is the way you go about the whole trip. How you approach it, how you listen to your body, your baby, your partner, your intuition. How you make decisions and how all of the stuff that happens helps you to be prepared for parenting your baby. How you and your partner (if you have one) get what it takes to parent together, helping partner bond with baby and mom.
When your partner is the same sex. Its a partnership journey no matter if you are gay or straight. The fear of being treated differently or feeling modest about how you are able to connect is very real (its real for straight people too! it is hard to be intimate in the hospital setting no matter who you are) but when you feel judged or uncomfortable, its really
sucky. Creating a support team that is safe and comfortable is like a force field around your experience.
When you don't have a partner. Its still a journey. And I hope you have somebody on your team. It means you dig deep down within yourself and get the hard work of labor is paralleled with the hard work of parenting. Parenting alone means not expecting anyone else to do the hard work for you or share the joys and exhaustion with you. It also means knowing when to ask for help. Reaching out, connecting with others and acknowledging that this experience, life, birth, parenting was not meant to be an isolated alone thing. Find your tribe, your resources and really really make them your family.
When your partner is
unsupportive. Ever notice how all the shit hits the fan at the wedding, or Christmas dinner? If you think a shitty partnership is going to get better from having a baby together, good luck. Get the ugly stuff out of the way before you go into labor because that is not the time to fix it, and its not going to help things move along if you're resenting
Bluto/Olive Oil for all the stuff he/she isn't. Talk about your
strengths and weaknesses and what you want to be and what you
dont want to be and what you're afraid of before you are contracting five minutes apart.
When your care provider seems great & ends up being full of shit. Its your decision. Know what is dangerous and what is not, ask your nurse. Get a
doula. Find a provider that isn't full of shit.
Bless all.
